Still...a small voice

LIVE....really live

I remember distinctly where I was that morning......
I had just dropped Isaiah off at Nursery School and I was headed to the Grocery Store...
I was feeling a little "ticked off" to be honest....
I remember thinking....."Well, I've had a full morning"
I was in a full on, self pity mode....

I had successfully gotten one off to High School
Another off to Elementary School
and Finally, Zay off to pre-school.

Now I had the joyous task of planning dinner...
shopping for dinner
and making dinner...so everything would be ready when they all walked through that door.

I was bitter.
I was tired.
I felt like the weight of the world rested on my shoulders, as usual.

I was having a great Pity Party
I was the Guest of Honor.

I was so caught up in my own misery that I barely paid attention...
I heard something about a plane and a building, but I quickly turned off the radio...
I had groceries to get and a schedule to keep.

By the time I had returned to my car....
the world was in utter chaos....

I rushed home and turned on the news..
and I sat in front of that TV for hours and hours...
barely able to believe the images in front of me....

I called my husband, I just needed to hear his voice...
I waited anxiously for my kids to walk through that door...
I even contemplated going and picking them up...

I wanted them with me....
their arms around me...
their breath on my neck....
I wanted to block out the world...
the chaos...
I wanted to shelter them and shield them and keep them with me every moment of everyday...
Never let them go...
ever.

Even as I write this, there is a lump in my stomach...
tears rolling down my cheeks...
and hair standing on end.

The days following the attacks were unbelievable...
People began to care for people..
strangers giving blood....
heroes digging through rubble...

Families came together.
America came together.

Out of our Devastation came compassion...
Out of our Loss came the realization of all that we have....
Possessions didn't matter...
Skin color didn't matter....
How much money you had...
what car you drove...where you lived no longer mattered...
What mattered most were people and relationships and Love and Compassion...
and Giving and Sharing and Listening and Caring.....

That was 12 yrs ago....
Where are we today?
What matters now?

I will be the first to say that...although 09/11/2001 is a day that I will never forget...
I have forgotten....
I have forgotten what really matters...

I have been caught up in, clothes and houses and cars...
I have had more "pity parties" for myself...
I have been angered over things that make no difference...
I've held grudges and I've been intolerant....

I am not proud to say that I have returned to these things..
I am ashamed to admit it
But it's truth...and truth will set you free.

Today, I am reminded that we are not promised tomorrow...
we are not promised our next breath...
everything we have...everything we take for granted..
Even this day...
Is a gift.

12 yrs ago...
over 2700 people were going about their normal day...
not knowing it would be their last....
I wonder what they would have done if they knew?

I want to live like that...
Like this may be the last time...
to show love, compassion, concern...
to show the love of Christ.

I pray that the Lord reminds me daily of 09/11/2001...
to remind me to be grateful..
to see this day as a gift...
and to open it with excitement..
and live it to its fullest.


LIVE TODAY...really live,
Shelly