That Thin Line

Today is my Anniversary.

Each year on this day, I reflect back on my relationship with my husband Michael.

Each year on this day, I am always reminded of how much our God truly loves us!!

Mine and Michael's relationship was not originally built on the foundation of Faith.

We met on a blind date and we were inseparable ever since. It was moving along great and it was moving along quickly.

I knew that I loved him right from the start. He was kind and considerate. He loved me completely and even better, he loved my daughter Tara with his entire being. We thought that we had it all. This was great!!!

 What we didn't have, was a relationship built on faith.

So what you say, What's the big deal?

I'll tell you........

Our relationship hit some major obstacles. I became pregnant and I also lost my job. Our perfect life was beginning to unravel........

We planned a wedding....we cancelled the wedding and eventually.... we called it "quits".

I was heartbroken and I was angry.

When Michael would come to see our daughter, Taylor, I wouldn't speak to him.

When he took her every other weekend I was sad and I hated him even more.

I really thought that I had despised him with my entire being.

Well, you know what they say... There is a thin line between Love and Hate.


........Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails....Prov 19:21

Hmmmm.... this is a good one. See, MY plan was to hate Michael for all eternity. To carry around that hurt and animosity for as long as I could.

However, the Lord had a purpose.

In the Spring of 1995, Michael asked if he could go to church with us for Easter.

( Now, I give him a great deal of credit here. Anyone who knows me knows that if I don't like you, you know it. I'm not good at pretending)

SO, what could I say?
NO!
That was my initial response.
NO!

Then, it was my Mom who said,,,"You can't tell him that He can't go to church"

SO, begrudgingly, I said "Sure" with a smile pasted to my face. You know that smile, the type with the clenched teeth behind it.

Easter came and we all went to church, the "Happy LIttle Family"

I remember that day vividly, as I sat there, the Lord really began a work in me. I looked over at Michael and I saw him for who he was, I saw a good man who loved his daughter and who I knew loved me....

STILL

For almost 2 years, I held a grudge, I didn't speak to him and I told myself I didn't like him.

And guess what... I was correct... I DIDN"T like him

I LOVED HIM!

Not long after that Easter Service, Michael and I began rebuilding our relationship. This time, we did it the right way. We went to church together and  we put God in the center of our life together.

Believe me, It was not all "flowers and butterflies". Sometimes, that grudge I held would rear it's ugly head and I would use the past as a weapon.

Then came a moment I will never forget.... Michael had attended a Promise Keepers Rally with the men from our church. It had changed his life. Changed who he was as a man. and it changed the way that I saw him.

After returning from that convention..Michael stood up in front of the entire church congregation and spilled out his heart... he apologized to me, he stood up there and spoke of his love for God... for me and for our daughters.... in that order.

To make a long story.... well somewhat shorter....

Michael and I were engaged that July and married in December

Exactly 17 yrs ago today

Many people thought that, given our past. we wouldn't make it...but we are going strong and proving them wrong!!

...........Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails....Prov 19:21

My PLAN was to hate Michael forever. The Lord's PURPOSE was to work on our hearts individually, to draw us each unto Him... so that we could then have a relationship with each other that had God in the center... that is the secret to a lasting relationship.

Today, I thank God for the man that He has created for me. Michael is everything that I am not.
I love him more than ever

You may find yourself hating a situation or a person, or dwelling on a circumstance that seems to make no sense. As you can see, I've been there. But in that difficulty, the Lord has a purpose.... sometimes the purpose is to draw you unto Him.. so that HE can begin something new in you.

I will leave you with this, it's one of my favorites:

        And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose....Romans8:28


Seek Him.
Shelly

ps... I love you Michael

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

   I would just like to take this opportunity to wish each of you a truly Merry Christmas.

   I, myself have found it difficult to muster up some "Merry" these past few weeks.
 
  Beside the craziness of baking, shopping, wrapping and preparing. I have been so preoccupied with the recent events in our world. I hear the news , I watch the interviews, I see the photos and I am so disheartened. I feel like I am losing Faith.

What has happened to us, as a people, as a human race. Are we not called to "Love one another"?

I have found myself in a state of disbelief and shock and honestly horror, as I am made aware of the evil that is now a part of our everyday lives.

It has been a tough week for me. Maybe it is because my husband is an Elementary School Teacher, and in my heart I know, without question , that he would stand in the line of fire before his students, he would give his life to protect theirs.

Maybe it is because I am a Mom and I grieve for each and every parent that has lost their child in such a needless way.

Whatever it is, it has stolen my faith it has taken away my hope.............

Until today.

.........A Thrill of Hope
         The Weary World Rejoices
         For Yonder Breaks A New and Glorious Morn.....

This has always been my favorite Christmas Carol, but today these words struck me in a whole new way.

A Weary World? yep that's us to a "T". We are Weary.
However, we still have the Thrill of Hope
The same thrill that they had on that Holy Night, over 2000 years ago.
Hope for a New and Glorious Morn

I don't know about you, but I am ready for something New and Glorious.
 
.......Chains Shall He Break
       For The Slave Is Our Brother
       And In HIS Name
       All Oppression Shall Cease.......

WOW, Have you ever really reflected on this verse? I really hadn't until today and I tell you what, there is POWER in those words.... ALL Oppression shall cease

The words to this song, have really touched me, restored me and have given me a hope this Christmas Season.

I have turned off the news and tuned out the negativity in this world.....

........Fall On Your Knees
        O Hear The Angel Voices
        O Night Divine
        O Night When Christ Was Born

Spend some time this Beautiful Holiday Season, on your knees. Listening for the voices of Angels.

It will lift your spirit and restore your peace.

A Very Blessed Christmas to you and Yours!!!

Shelly

 Bratty Attitude!!


   Usually, I blog on Thursday or Friday. By the end of the week I have received an idea from God. I figure He gives me a word for those who read my blog.

 This past week, Thursday came and no idea, same with Friday. Ok I figured , maybe I just skip a week. No big Deal. I mean, I am just treating this blog like a vessel, letting God work through me to reach others. Very righteous! Don't you think?

I thought so.

I was wrong.

 I will tell you that I have not been in the holiday spirit. Actually, I've been a BRAT!
This past weekend I found myself in a really crappy place. I am sick of crunching numbers, I am sick of trying to be sure everyone has everything for Christmas. I am overwhelmed at the prospect of baking and wrapping and crafting, cleaning and laundry and bill paying. It was to the point where I had an I don't care attitude.

It gets better, just when I think that we may be able to make all ends meet. My vehicle needs brakes. Oh yea, and tires. Seriously? Now? 3weeks before Christmas.

I was ticked.

C'mon , I decided to cop an attitude, a BIG one!
I thought to myself this is ridiculous. My husband works so hard so that we can have the things we need. I have been trying to get gifts and plan for the Holidays. Let's just throw a wrench in there.

Well, I kept up the attitude all weekend.

Today was Sunday and I even thought. "I don't feel like going to church". " I don't feel like worshipping"

Well, I went anyway, to be completely honest, I went because I thought it was communion Sunday and Michael and I always serve. I didn't want to let anyone down.

So, I took my bratty attitude and I went to church, begrudgingly.
Well, no surprise, My heavenly Father showed up and you know what He did?

He gave me a "timeout"

You parent's out there know exactly what I mean. When your child isn't listening or they have a disrespectful attitude, they need a "timeout"

When you are young.you may sit for a few minutes. My grandson gets a "timeout" and he sits for a few minutes. Then he will say"sorry mama". My daughter, will patiently explain to him why he was disciplined and life goes on. An example of excellent parenting ( if I do say so myself).

This discipline was administered from a place of love and compassion.

When you are a little older, a timeout may be relinquishing your cellphone or driving privileges.

Well, let me tell you what a timeout from the Lord looks like when it is administered to a bratty 45yr old.

As, I stood in church listening to the worship music, still having a rather large chip on my shoulder,
a young man came and sat a few seats from me. He is a teenager and I am acquainted with him. He is the ONLY member of his family serving God. He makes his way to church every Sunday and every Wednesday,in spite of some unfortunate circumstances.

Next, in comes my aunt. like she does every Sunday. Only today, she has pictures of her recent missions trip to Guatemala. Pictures of the dump, the shacks that people call home and the children who don't attend school because they are busy caring for their siblings.

Then, I look at the man in front of me. He is my father-in-law and I am reminded that he has buried 3 of his 4 children.

The list goes on and on all through service:  A mother whose children don't serve God

                                                                      A 3 yr old battling cancer

                                    A precious 2yr old who spent the majority of his life in Foster Care

Let me tell you, that chip on my shoulder, became tears on my face as I realized that God wasn't just disciplining one of His children. He was patiently explaining to me, where I went wrong.

Another example of excellent parenting. Administered from a place of love and compassion.

SO, I will finish by saying. The word that the Lord gave me this week, was delayed for a reason.

The word that I was waiting to receive, in order to help all of you strengthen your walk with The Lord.

It was actually a spiritual "timeout", for ME, perfectly timed for today!

A real attitude adjustment for a 45 yr old brat!

Boy, did I need it!!


Happy Holidays,
Shelly