SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!


OK, OK, I know, it's been quite awhile since I've written a post.....
Truth be told, I have been in a weird kind of place...
If you have read my previous blogs, you know what I mean.

Beside that... My girl was home from college for 10 glorious days.....
This would be the last chance I would see her before she heads off to Zambia,
So I wasn't willing to waste a single moment.....

SO, she's back to school :(

and I am back to blogging

And appropriately....Today is Good Friday

I used to struggle with the "Good" in Good Friday
What was so Good about it?

I have grown to love "Good" Friday....
I hate that Jesus was beaten beyond recognition...
it breaks my heart that He was nailed to a tree...
I can hardly fathom the idea that He did it for me...

I absolutely hate the thought of him carrying that cross..
I am one of those people who watch "The Passion of The Christ" movie through barely separated fingers.....
Because my hands are over my face.....
watching is almost more than I can bear....

And just when I think that I can't bear another minute....
Just when i feel that my heart is shattering into a million pieces...
It hits me...

SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!

WOW!! Goosebumps cover me as I type those two words.....

SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!!

That is why I have learned to love Good Friday...
without Good Friday....
There would be no Miraculous Sunday!!!!

You can't have a victory if you don't first have a trial!!

Life is the same way...
Sometimes when we are in the midst of a trial...
a difficulty...
a hopeless situation....
We don't see the "GOOD" in it....

We feel defeated...
we believe it's over...
"It is Finished".

But, you know what?

SUNDAY'S COMING!!!

Jesus' victory assures your victory!!!

If today is not what you expected it to be...
If you struggle to find the "GOOD" in it...

Praise God...

Your SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!


Have a Blessed Easter!!
Shelly

TRUTH


This could possibly be the most difficult post I've written. It's real and it's transparent and I feel totally vulnerable, and not really sure that I should post it.
But, the Lord has laid it on my heart with such conviction that I have to post, not just as a catharsis for me, but to help someone else.

I have had a rough few days....
Nothing significant has happened, there have been no crises....
My children are great, husband is good...
Life is Great......

I am not.

I am sad, the gut wrenching, lump in your throat, up in the middle of the night sad.

I have no reason why.

It started on Saturday..
I woke up early, took a shower, did my hair...
and brokedown.

I looked in the mirror and despite the fact that I have recently dropped 19lbs,
regardless of the fact that I had a new "Sassy haircut"
I hated what I saw...

To the point of tears....
The day continued like that.....
I was home with Michael and Isaiah and I had no desire to do anything..
I really just wanted to be alone...
I felt gross, unworthy....
I had absolutely no joy, NONE!!!

I think I went to bed around 8pm....
I just didn't feel like facing life.
I had half-hearted conversations..
pretending that I was interested in life..
Truth is..... I wasn't.

I really, truly just felt nothing but self-loathing..
I thought I looked "old",
that progressed to my feeling that I've accomplished nothing,
which then progressed to a feeling of failure,
It snowballed into self-loathing.

Sunday came. and I felt that feeling all over again,
Before I even left my bed, I prayed..
Asking, begging God to remove this depression that was overtaking me.
I felt it, I knew what it was,
I was depressed, it wasn't over a situation or a worry,
it just felt like life was "too much".

I felt like I was treading water,
I was tired.

I didn't want to go to church, I didn't want to go anywhere.
But, I went.
I went because I know that regardless of how I feel, God shows up.

Worship was amazing, we sang about "Chains Falling Down"
We sang "My Soul Will Sing, My Soul Will Sing"
We sang the words "and if our God is with us, then what can stand against"

I felt like God was orchestrating this service for me, just for me

Pastor got up to speak and do you know what word the Lord had laid on his heart for that day
BREAKDOWN

Now I was sure that the Lord was meeting me right where I stood,
in the muck and mire of life...in my personal pit.

I felt as if God himself was standing on that stage and He was preaching to an audience of One.
Every word pierced my heart, it was as if he was reading my mind...
The sermon spoke honestly and very directly about Depression.

I would love to say that I walked out of service with a new heart, a spring in my step and an everlasting Joy....
But I can't say that....
I left feeling better...but not BETTER.

I went about my Sunday, still a little "off".
and I went back to church to meet with God on Sunday Night.

Obviously the Lord knew that I was still struggling....
the music was "spot on", once again
We were singing "It is well, with my soul"
and I so wanted it to be..

Then Tara brought the word...
She had no idea how I was feeling...
She spoke on the Beatitudes...
Specifically being "poor in spirit"..
How those are the ones that The Lord will bless,
those are the ones that the Lord will use.

That was me.
Poor in Spirit.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me....2Cor 12:9

This was a verse from her text and I wrote it down, and I am standing on it!!

I am weak... weak in spirit....

It's uncomfortable..

it's out of character for me.

and I do not like it!!

However, if I must be weak, to receive His grace...

then I will endure...

If I must be down and depressed and feel unworthy...

in order for Him to wield His power in my life...

then I will press on...

I want to boast about my weakness..

because I need His power to rest on me.

I am still struggling...

it's not easy, especially when I don't know why I feel like this.

But, I am standing on His word,

believing that "His mercies are new every morning".

I know this is not an encouraging note,

but I know that the Lord put it on my heart to post.

Someone needs to hear this, and to know ,

Weakness is also a part of God's plan.

Humbly,

Shelly

Really? STOP & YES!!



Well I haven't posted in a couple of weeks...
I just didn't hear from the Lord...

I waited, I tried to force the issue...
I started a blog, erased, started again
Walked away.....

Waiting...
Definitely not my strong point.

Well, I heard from God last night...
Loud and Clear.....
A single word.....

STOP!!!!!

That was all.....

STOP!!!!!

Well, I'll tell you, it's not easy to write a blog based on a single word...
especially a word that basically tells you to do nothing.

Not really knowing what this meant, I went to the Lord in prayer...

I questioned him ( go ahead, question God, He already knows what you're thinking)
I was a little indifferent ( He knows that too)

So, instead of waiting for an answer to my question,
I kept asking other questions  (  I was on a roll)...

OK Stop what, exactly?
Should I stop being a Mom?
Should I stop being a wife?
....a daughter?
....a baker?
....a grandma?

How about if I stop my routine...
things like cleaning..
....cooking... laundry?

Should I stop caring for others?
....giving to missions?
.....Encouraging my children?

Here's one I was a little more than willing to do..
Should I stop paying bills?
Then I became real bold and said "Are you going to pay them ?"

Yea I worked myself right into a tizzy...
I was becoming angry...

So, I had asked all the questions...
I wanted an answer, more than just a one word response...

guess what I heard...

YES!!!!! ( btw if you haven't noticed, again, He gave me one word, I wanted more, he gave me what I needed, not what I wanted)

What? I thought I was going to scream... all of these things that He told me to Stop,
they defined who I am, how people know me..
You know what I mean, my reputation.

then this story "popped" into my mind

s Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

WOW!!!!

I guess that one word from The Lord was enough.

In this story, 2 sisters open their home to Jesus.

Mary didn't care a bit about what needed to be done, she didn't care to be the best hostess, she didn't pay one bit of attention to the fact that her reputation as a servant was being jeopardized.....

She cared about one thing and only one thing....spending time with Jesus.

Nothing else mattered... I think that she was so awestruck in His presence that she didn't even consider that there was anyone else there...let alone things to be done.

Martha was ticked...she was the one doing all the work and she was not about to let it go unnoticed by their guest.......She was a tattle tale and she told Jesus what to do with Mary.

( I always chuckle at this part of scripture... Martha thought "I'll tell him how to handle this". Apparently she forgot to whom she was speaking.....ummm remember, this is JESUS )

I am sure the response of the Lord astonished Martha, definitely not the answer she was looking for.

He told her that all the preparations she worried over ,were not necessary.

She only needed one thing... to be in His presence.

Well, needless to say, I now know what STOP means

and I know why he answered all of my indifferent questions with one word YES!!!!

He was teaching me, admonishing me, like Martha.

STOP being so busy, STOP trying to do it all, STOP trying to please everyone, STOP trying to build a righteous reputation.

Spend time in communion with me....watch your worries and concerns fade

Experience my presence... lean on me

All else will fall into place.

As you can see... I asked for a word and I got just that 

A WORD.

I needed it and I believe there are others who need it, as well.

Seek God FIRST......

Let HIM handle the details.

STOP and YES!!!

Two powerful words from the Lord!

Stop today,

Shelly