I Can't Do This


Well...I'm back

It is 2014 and I am hitting the ground running...

Here's my breakdown of 2014

March - Isaiah travels to Bogota, Colombia on his first Foreign Missions

April- My new granddaughter is due to make her appearance

May - Taylor departs for an 8 week missions trip to Sierra Leone, West Africa

July - Taylor returns home

July - Isaiah heads to Europe for a 14 day adventure

Sept -Isaiah begins his HS Senior Year

Nov -  Trip to ORU for Isaiah and Usual Thanksgiving

Dec - Taylor Graduates from ORU and Holiday Craziness

Jan 2015 - Taylor marries Danny and moves to NJ

So many people have congratulated me...
They look at all these events and they say "You are So Blessed"

I look at them and this is what I see....

March - $$, need funds to send Zay....fear, is Colombia safe?

April -  Worry, will childbirth go easily for Tara?

May - Again... Worry, my daughter is leaving the country for a long time
           Sadness...She will be gone for her 21st bday

July - $$, need to fund Isaiah's trip

Sept - Heartache, can't believe the "baby" is a Senior

Nov - $$, need to get to ORU and Holidays

Dec - $$, need to get Tay and all of her stuff home and do Christmas

Jan - $$$$ Worry that I cant give my daughter her dream wedding

Needless to say, I have been beyond overwhelmed...
I have been dealing with feelings of guilt and inadequacy...
I have been "beating myself up" for not being that parent that can say...
"Here is everything you need"..."I have it all covered"

When I say " Beating myself up", I mean it
I have done a real number on myself...
To the point where I have determined that... Pretty Much.. "Im Worthless"

Ever been there?
If you are a MOM, I know you have, even if you've never admitted that to anyone..
Hey, maybe you've never really admitted it to yourself...

Did you ever say..." I am not enough"?
I did, I said it to the Lord this past Sunday morning.

I was up early..
Read my devotional...
Thought to myself .." Well that wasn't anything special"
Certainly not a word that I needed, given my current mindset...

I proceeded to get ready for church...
all the while, holding onto that feeling of " I just can't do this"

I walked into church and I remembered that I hadn't received my verse for 2014.
Every year our church prints scripture..they fold it up and put it in a basket..
I reached in and pulled mine out...

Before unfolding my paper, I said...
"Ok Lord...you know what this year looks like and you know what my heart feels like"
I opened my paper... and this is The Word that The Lord gave me for 2014

Romans 8:26-27

New International Version (NIV)

²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

Helps us in our weakness??

Intercedes for me??

This was exactly what I needed....

To be honest...it wasn't a new revelation

I knew these things to be true...

But I forgot...

I was so preoccupied with  what I can't do..

That I forgot what HE WILL DO..

I am still overwhelmed and I still have worry and fear and feelings of inadequacy...

But, I also have security and joy and hope...

Because I know... there will be times this year when I am weak..

When I don't know how to pray or what to pray for...

But it's ok, i'm not in it alone...

The Spirit is interceding... for me...

on my behalf.....

and it's all Good ....

because it's God's Will.

You know what...people are right...

I am blessed!!

Have a Blessed 2014,

Shelly

Lesson Learned



Those of you who know me, know that I have 2 daughters and 1 son...
My daughters were dancers and singers...they did show-choir and musicals...
They loved to entertain...

My son..Isaiah...complete opposite...
Isaiah is an extremely bright boy...
His academics have always been superior...

I remember receiving his 6th grade report card..
His grades were outstanding...95 and higher...
except for one...Music.

Really? How hard is 6th grade music?
I asked Isaiah how he received an 85 in Music Class...
His answer... I hate Music..I hate singing...
I get a bad grade because I "lip sync".

You can imagine my shock when just one year later..
the summer of his 7th grade...
Isaiah decided to attend a discipleship class at church..
The class was on worship....

So, he grabbed his Grandpa's large, old guitar and he went to class...
Michael and I stopped in at the end of the week to see how things were going..
We found Isaiah sitting in the back row of the sanctuary, the guitar sitting next to him in a chair...
He was "DONE"...Isaiah  was discouraged and vowed to never pick up a guitar again.

Something in Isaiah's disappointment spoke to me...
As a Mom , I could tell that his disappointment came from a place of desire..
He desired to play the guitar...He had a desire to use that for worship...

I wasn't sure how to encourage him...
My husband was the one who said that maybe it was the guitar..
It was old, out of tune and really too big for Isaiah.

So, we made the decision to go get him a new guitar...
actually it was a used guitar...
it cost us $60 and we figured if nothing else, it would show Isaiah that we believed in him.

He took that guitar...still unsure..
and he began to practice...and practice...and practice...
Every single day he played...and although he never said it...
I know every single day he prayed...

Isaiah became better and we saw this passion growing...
For his 13th birthday...we invested in a "Good " guitar for Isaiah.
We also invested in some guitar lessons...
And he kept playing and praying...
and I was praying too.

I could see that the Lord had laid this passion upon Isaiah's heart..
A real heart of Worship...
About a year after receiving his guitar...
Isaiah told us that he felt called to be a Worship Pastor..

Wow..really God, from the Lip Syncing boy with the 85 in music?
I began to pray for Isaiah and his talents...that they would be blessed and anointed..
I watched him practice over and over...
I saw his hunger to learn more...

Isaiah will be 16 next week..and he has come a long way in the past 3 years..
He serves on the Youth Group Worship Team every Wednesday...
He has learned piano...
and he has begun to sing...

Yesterday...I learned something about our God from my 15yr old son.

Isaiah has been asked to play acoustic guitar this Sunday morning for Church Service..
He is beyond excited and as we were talking about it last night...
He said " it was just over a year ago that I sat in Youth Group...
Wishing I could be up there as part of the Worship Team"
I responded saying " look how far you've come in the last year"

And then it hit me......
I often pray that the Lord will give me the desires of my heart..
but that's it.. I pray and I leave the rest up to God..
You know..if it's His plan then He will make it happen..
and I wait and I wonder and I wait and I get discouraged and I wait..

Maybe we are not called to wait..
Just maybe we are called to do...
to take that step toward our calling...
to put in the work...the time ...the practice..
to have Faith.

Isaiah kept practicing...
when the guitar was wrong...when the discouragement set in...
while he sat in service with that desire to be up there...
when he realized that the Lord had called him to this..
yet he was not seeing the fruits of his labor...

Isaiah kept practicing...kept learning...
kept preparing and kept believing..
because Isaiah knew that The Lord had given him a word....
He kept the Faith.

²³ Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, ²⁴ knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

This Sunday.....Isaiah will be receiving his reward...
He will be fulfilling a dream and the Lord will be confirming a calling..
and as for me...
I will be sitting 5 rows back on the left...
Worshipping a God who keeps His Word...

You will know which one is me....
Just look for the Mom with the tears streaming down her cheeks.

Take a step today toward that which you've been called to do...
I know I am...
Lesson Learned.

Keep Preparing,
Shelly

A GOOD MAN

I have just returned home from Chicago..
My cousin Kaylin married her"one and only"
John is a "Good Man"
He Loves Kaylin, and it is written all over his face.....

It is evident in the way that he looks at her...
looks over her....
and looks out for her.

John is a "Good Man"

What's the big deal??

"Good Men" are hard to find...
it's not just a cliche..
it's the truth.

I began thinking about this a while ago..
about why it is so unusual to find a "Good Man"..
an honest man, with character and compassion...
Not afraid to cry, or laugh..
Never afraid to express his Faith...
Always willing to serve...

I have known for some time now.....
I have married a "Good Man'....

As I sat at the reception of Kaylin and John...
I saw my husband for who he is....
A REALLY GOOD MAN...

Let me tell you....
Michael and I have been married for a long time...
Our lives are busy and truth be told...
We don't have a great deal of time to spend with one another.

I love him with my entire being..
but sometimes (a great deal of the time)
I take him for granted...

I am even guilty of reminding him of how lucky he is...
I constantly let him know that I do EVERYTHING for him..
I make HIS life easy..

Well, things look pretty nice from up here on my pedestal...
The pedestal of "I do it all...and that makes you lucky!!"

As I sat at Kaylin and John's reception..
right there in the middle of that stunning venue..
that beautiful celebration of Love, Commitment and Trust...

The Lord knocked me off that Pedestal of Righteousness..
It wasn't a huge push,
but rather a small breeze...
like a whisper to my soul...

Let me explain...
We were at our table, waiting for dinner to be served..
My daughter, Tara was not feeling well..
She is in the first trimester of her pregnancy and let's just say "Morning Sickness" is an understatement.

Her husband left the reception and went back to the Hotel to get Tara some medicine..
She was not feeling well at all, and decided it was best for her to go back to the Hotel and lie down.

Well, I was completely enthralled with all of the beautiful things taking place at the reception...
I barely noticed..
It was a quick glance..
My husband, who was sitting next to me, but a moment earlier..
was gone...
I began looking around ...
and I saw him....Across the room...His back to mine....
He was walking out the door...
He had his arm out...and looped through his arm...was Tara's.

Tears filled my eyes as I watched this man...this GOOD MAN..
Hold up his daughter and take her to meet her husband in a waiting cab...
No one had asked him to help her...
No one had insisted...
He never even mentioned he was leaving...
He just saw that she was in need ...and he was there for her..
Holding her...walking with her...almost carrying her..

That's all it took to knock me to the floor...
That pedestal where I loved to perch myself, was nowhere to be found...

I doubt anyone else in that room noticed..
but that image of my daughter...clinging to my husband..
that image of love and compassion and caring...is etched in my mind forever.

It served as a reminder to me of God's Love and Compassion for his children..
Michael was a living, breathing example of Christ's Love in that moment...

When we are tired, or sick, or we just can't stand on our own..
Our heavenly Father comes up beside us...links His arm through ours...
and HE carries us through...
We don't have to ask or insist..
He does it because we are his children....and He loves us...

Even more than Michael loves Tara..
That's hard to imagine.

Thank you Lord for those little moments...
The little whispers that remind us of your love for your children...
That knock us off of that pedestal...
and that remind me, personally, that you have created for me.
A GOOD MAN.



28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light...Matt11:28-30

Standing on the Floor,
Shelly

LIVE....really live

I remember distinctly where I was that morning......
I had just dropped Isaiah off at Nursery School and I was headed to the Grocery Store...
I was feeling a little "ticked off" to be honest....
I remember thinking....."Well, I've had a full morning"
I was in a full on, self pity mode....

I had successfully gotten one off to High School
Another off to Elementary School
and Finally, Zay off to pre-school.

Now I had the joyous task of planning dinner...
shopping for dinner
and making dinner...so everything would be ready when they all walked through that door.

I was bitter.
I was tired.
I felt like the weight of the world rested on my shoulders, as usual.

I was having a great Pity Party
I was the Guest of Honor.

I was so caught up in my own misery that I barely paid attention...
I heard something about a plane and a building, but I quickly turned off the radio...
I had groceries to get and a schedule to keep.

By the time I had returned to my car....
the world was in utter chaos....

I rushed home and turned on the news..
and I sat in front of that TV for hours and hours...
barely able to believe the images in front of me....

I called my husband, I just needed to hear his voice...
I waited anxiously for my kids to walk through that door...
I even contemplated going and picking them up...

I wanted them with me....
their arms around me...
their breath on my neck....
I wanted to block out the world...
the chaos...
I wanted to shelter them and shield them and keep them with me every moment of everyday...
Never let them go...
ever.

Even as I write this, there is a lump in my stomach...
tears rolling down my cheeks...
and hair standing on end.

The days following the attacks were unbelievable...
People began to care for people..
strangers giving blood....
heroes digging through rubble...

Families came together.
America came together.

Out of our Devastation came compassion...
Out of our Loss came the realization of all that we have....
Possessions didn't matter...
Skin color didn't matter....
How much money you had...
what car you drove...where you lived no longer mattered...
What mattered most were people and relationships and Love and Compassion...
and Giving and Sharing and Listening and Caring.....

That was 12 yrs ago....
Where are we today?
What matters now?

I will be the first to say that...although 09/11/2001 is a day that I will never forget...
I have forgotten....
I have forgotten what really matters...

I have been caught up in, clothes and houses and cars...
I have had more "pity parties" for myself...
I have been angered over things that make no difference...
I've held grudges and I've been intolerant....

I am not proud to say that I have returned to these things..
I am ashamed to admit it
But it's truth...and truth will set you free.

Today, I am reminded that we are not promised tomorrow...
we are not promised our next breath...
everything we have...everything we take for granted..
Even this day...
Is a gift.

12 yrs ago...
over 2700 people were going about their normal day...
not knowing it would be their last....
I wonder what they would have done if they knew?

I want to live like that...
Like this may be the last time...
to show love, compassion, concern...
to show the love of Christ.

I pray that the Lord reminds me daily of 09/11/2001...
to remind me to be grateful..
to see this day as a gift...
and to open it with excitement..
and live it to its fullest.


LIVE TODAY...really live,
Shelly

A SEASON


YAY!!!! It feels like Fall....and I LOVE it!!!

Something happens in me at the change of Seasons...particularly Autumn.

I love the "Back to School" Season....new clothes, backpacks, shoes and crayons.

I am always reminded of the Staples commercial...... The Mom is practically running through the store... tossing everything that she can find into her cart with a 32 tooth grin and the flourish of a figure skater........

Her children are creeping along behind her with their faces and feet dragging...
All the while we hear "It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year" blaring from the TV.

I was always ready for Summer to begin in June...
and even more ready for school to begin in September....

My three nieces begin school this week......
4th..6th..and 8th grade...
I just got off the phone with my sister and .....
well.....
the Mom in that commercial has nothing on her.

I think Wednesday can't come soon enough for Jami (my sister).

While we were trying to decide on birthday gifts....
Bailey and Kenzie turn 11 and 9 this week, as well
( i know, she should have planned better)
She was answering questions...arranging "hangout with friends time"....
figuring out locker decorations... first day of school outfits, etc

I hung up thinking......
So maybe she doesn't love the change of seasons...

And I remember......
I remember the chaos and the busyness...
I remember feeling overwhelmed...
I remember admiring the Mom's whose children were old enough to do it on their own.

I remember thinking what a glorious time that would be...
when life was calm...
when I could find "Me time"

After all, at the height of my craziness, I had an 17yr old, a 9yr old and a 5yr old.
I could not wait for that season to pass...

and pass it did....
far too quickly....
in a blink of an eye....

And I am sitting here...
in an empty house...
my husband is at work...

That 17yr old is now married and an amazing mom..
with a beautiful life.. totally blessed by God

We just drove that, once 9yr old, 1300 miles to begin her junior year of college...
she is called and anointed and living in the perfect Will of God.

That little 5yr old boy has gone to have a dinner date with his "Gma"
and he will be 16 in November....
and he lives with conviction and has a Heart of Worship....

And I am here alone....
And I am blessed beyond measure...
Much more than I deserve...

Yet....there are times like these,
when I hang up the phone and I remember the chaos..
the craziness...
the season that feels Eternal.....

And I yearn for that...
Yes, I even daresay that I miss it....
It's a real longing....


For everything there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die.
    A time to plant and a time to harvest.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal.
    A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.
    A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
    A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.
    A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend.
    A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate.
    A time for war and a time for peace....Ecc3-1-8

I know that the time that I long for was... but a  Season..
I also know that God has ordered my steps and he has fashioned my Seasons....

And I am believing that He will fill my days with purpose ...
and I know that He will fill this vessel....

And I know that each Season holds it's own beauty....

So, let me speak to Jami....
To all those who think that they are in an Eternal Season of Chaos and Carpools...

Embrace it because it is just that....
A Season..
and soon the leaves will fall...

And a whole new Season begins.



Blessed,
Shelly

Taking it All for Granted


I Know.... it feels like a lifetime since I've sat down to write.

There have been a million things going on in my head and so many words that The Lord has laid upon my heart...
it just feels like time is going so quickly....
I never have enough minutes in my day......

That's where I am today....

BUSY.

I begin to think that my life is just getting more and more crazy...
I have less time to relax.. to enjoy each moment...

My husband works crazy hours.... I rarely see him.
My oldest daughter is busy raising her family,
My middle daughter works Mon-Fri and she is currently getting ready to head back to school in 2 weeks..
My son is at the Church all day practicing as part of the Praise and Worship Team...

And Me......
Im doing the usual, cleaning, laundry, getting food ready for a cookout...
running to the store... making sure the pool is ready, the list goes on and on...

There are times I am resentful...
I feel like I do it all...
It's all on me...
and I'm busy and tired and tired of being busy....

A few minutes ago, I was in my living room and I looked up at my chalkboard...
It takes up an entire wall in my room and I write quotes or verses on it...
I use it to encourage those in my home... both those who live here and those who visit...

Today... The words I put up there....They hit me square in the face

     That which YOU take for GRANTED.... Someone else is PRAYING for.

This busy-ness that I complain about.... someone else is praying for..
I know that sounds crazy, but think about it.
I am busy because I am caring for my family.

And although there are days (sometimes weeks at a time) when they drive me nuts...
I wouldn't change it.

There are people out there who have NO ONE...
They are praying for a family to care for.

It got me thinking about all that I take for granted...
There's the obvious... shelter....water....food
the luxuries....a pool..a fire pit..a vehicle.

But what about the "not so obvious"

What about my husband?....Yep, I take him for granted
He is an amazing provider.. He loves me without question and he is a Man of God who serves as an amazing example to our kids.
That man that I take for granted, that man who could drive me insane on any given day...
Someone else is praying for.....
I know of women, personally who are praying for A Man of God to come beside them and love them.

What about my kids?....Yep, I take them for granted too
My children are compassionate and loving and they all have a heart that Seeks after the Lord...
They Love me and respect me and they treat me with Honor..
There are days when I wonder how they would do it without me...
and in all honestly... there have been times when I was tempted to "go on strike" and watch them flounder.....

Those kids that I take for granted....
Someone else is praying for...
Again... I know people who have children who are far from the Lord...
children making destructive choices...
They pray that their children will come to know Christ.

I could go on for pages..... So much that I take for granted...
Family, friends. my church, etc....
I am so glad that God brought those words to my mind today...
A reminder that there are people out there praying...
praying with urgency for those things that I take for granted...

My prayer today for myself and for you... is this...

Lord , open my eyes to the many blessings which you have given me, help me to never take for granted even the smallest of these, for each is a gift from you. Thank You Lord for each of them.... and when I am overwhelmed or under-appreciated or just ambivalent... help me to remember that someone is praying for that which I take for granted.

Well, Blog complete.....
Now I'm off to finish the never-ending "To-Do" list....

And I have never been more grateful to be able to do so.....

With Joy,
Shelly

NOBODY SPECIAL


Flash back to Father's Day 2010.........
My Dad went golfing, had a big family cookout and enjoyed being around his kids...
A Perfect day

The Day after Father's Day 2010.....
My dad woke up, got ready for work, called to my mom that he wasn't feeling well....
By 10:30 am He was gone.

POOF!!!
A VAPOR!!
GONE.

This post is NOT about the frailty of Life.....
It is about... How we live that life.

My Dad was an amazing man....
and He never knew it.

He worked for years in the Home Improvement Business....
He could fix ANYTHING.

I cannot even begin to count the number of times that I would call him .....
asking why something wasn't working, how to fix this or that and ALWAYS....ALWAYS He came.

My husband used to tease me because every single time my Dad was at our home........
I would say.... " I have an idea"
It could be anything from..."I'd like to put a room on"
To.... "I'd like built- in loft beds in the girls' room".
( of course he made them and they were spectacular)

He was talented and smart and kind and patient.....
and he always referred to himself as
NOBODY SPECIAL.

He went to work EVERY DAY in ALL types of WEATHER..
Not taking a single sick day in 31yrs.

He met all kinds of people,
worked with all kinds of people,
touched the lives of all kinds of people....

And still thought that he was NOBODY SPECIAL.

As we stood at his memorial service.....
We heard the stories.....
There were people that we had never met...
People with stories of his kindness....
People in awe of his exceptional talent for building...
Customers that he did work for......
He may have been at their home for a day or two...
maybe a week.....
They came because He made an impact on their lives....
In the short time he had spent with them.....
he made a difference......

So much so, that they came to pay respect to this man....
My Dad, the self-proclaimed NOBODY SPECIAL.

Not long after his death.....
My mom was in need of a new roof on her home....
My sister contacted my Dad's employer to inquire about the specifics....
How Much?
When?

The logistics were worked out....


The day came for the new roof.....

On that day.......18 men came to my mom's house......
18 men....including my dad's boss
It was a Friday...misty rain.....
and they came.

In that day.... they tore off my mom's roof. replaced the damaged lumber on her porch roof and laid a new roof.

WOW, you say that's alot to get done for a day's work....
It sure is.....
But here is the best part......
My dad's boss..told these guys that they would be doing "DICKIE"S" roof and that he was paying them to do it......
These 18 guys....
They volunteered to do it for NO PAY......
As an honor to a Man that had touched them so deeply.

Some of these guys that gave.... they were from other home building companies...
they were willing to give up a day's pay, as well.....

ALL of this for NOBODY SPECIAL

I sobbed that day  because I realized that my Dad was such a hard-working, humble man.....
He never thought highly of himself...never prideful or boastful....
He just went through life doing what he thought was right...
Never seeking credit...or self-promotion.

There lies a huge lesson in there for each of us.....

How many times do we do something for someone and we want recognition or credit or appreciation?
And we want it immediately.......We want everyone to know of our good deeds...
Everyone should know how wonderful we really are.

I am reminded of the song "THANK YOU" by Ray Boltz....
It speaks of a man arriving in heaven and all of these people are there to greet him....
to Thank Him for giving of himself....
People that he had touched in even a small way.....


TODAY, I honor that NOBODY SPECIAL, that I called my Dad....
and I will try to live my life like he did.....
Never striving for Fame or Fortune....
Credit and appreciation.....

Instead I strive to be NOBODY SPECIAL....
What a legacy.....

I LOVE YOU DAD!!!!

Humbly,
Shelly