Well...I'm back
It is 2014 and I am hitting the ground running...
Here's my breakdown of 2014
March - Isaiah travels to Bogota, Colombia on his first Foreign Missions
April- My new granddaughter is due to make her appearance
May - Taylor departs for an 8 week missions trip to Sierra Leone, West Africa
July - Taylor returns home
July - Isaiah heads to Europe for a 14 day adventure
Sept -Isaiah begins his HS Senior Year
Nov - Trip to ORU for Isaiah and Usual Thanksgiving
Dec - Taylor Graduates from ORU and Holiday Craziness
Jan 2015 - Taylor marries Danny and moves to NJ
So many people have congratulated me...
They look at all these events and they say "You are So Blessed"
I look at them and this is what I see....
March - $$, need funds to send Zay....fear, is Colombia safe?
April - Worry, will childbirth go easily for Tara?
May - Again... Worry, my daughter is leaving the country for a long time
Sadness...She will be gone for her 21st bday
July - $$, need to fund Isaiah's trip
Sept - Heartache, can't believe the "baby" is a Senior
Nov - $$, need to get to ORU and Holidays
Dec - $$, need to get Tay and all of her stuff home and do Christmas
Jan - $$$$ Worry that I cant give my daughter her dream wedding
Needless to say, I have been beyond overwhelmed...
I have been dealing with feelings of guilt and inadequacy...
I have been "beating myself up" for not being that parent that can say...
"Here is everything you need"..."I have it all covered"
When I say " Beating myself up", I mean it
I have done a real number on myself...
To the point where I have determined that... Pretty Much.. "Im Worthless"
Ever been there?
If you are a MOM, I know you have, even if you've never admitted that to anyone..
Hey, maybe you've never really admitted it to yourself...
Did you ever say..." I am not enough"?
I did, I said it to the Lord this past Sunday morning.
I was up early..
Read my devotional...
Thought to myself .." Well that wasn't anything special"
Certainly not a word that I needed, given my current mindset...
I proceeded to get ready for church...
all the while, holding onto that feeling of " I just can't do this"
I walked into church and I remembered that I hadn't received my verse for 2014.
Every year our church prints scripture..they fold it up and put it in a basket..
I reached in and pulled mine out...
Before unfolding my paper, I said...
"Ok Lord...you know what this year looks like and you know what my heart feels like"
I opened my paper... and this is The Word that The Lord gave me for 2014
Romans 8:26-27
New International Version (NIV)
26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
Helps us in our weakness??
Intercedes for me??
This was exactly what I needed....
To be honest...it wasn't a new revelation
I knew these things to be true...
But I forgot...
I was so preoccupied with what I can't do..
That I forgot what HE WILL DO..
I am still overwhelmed and I still have worry and fear and feelings of inadequacy...
But, I also have security and joy and hope...
Because I know... there will be times this year when I am weak..
When I don't know how to pray or what to pray for...
But it's ok, i'm not in it alone...
The Spirit is interceding... for me...
on my behalf.....
and it's all Good ....
because it's God's Will.
You know what...people are right...
I am blessed!!
Have a Blessed 2014,
Shelly
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