LIVE....really live

I remember distinctly where I was that morning......
I had just dropped Isaiah off at Nursery School and I was headed to the Grocery Store...
I was feeling a little "ticked off" to be honest....
I remember thinking....."Well, I've had a full morning"
I was in a full on, self pity mode....

I had successfully gotten one off to High School
Another off to Elementary School
and Finally, Zay off to pre-school.

Now I had the joyous task of planning dinner...
shopping for dinner
and making dinner...so everything would be ready when they all walked through that door.

I was bitter.
I was tired.
I felt like the weight of the world rested on my shoulders, as usual.

I was having a great Pity Party
I was the Guest of Honor.

I was so caught up in my own misery that I barely paid attention...
I heard something about a plane and a building, but I quickly turned off the radio...
I had groceries to get and a schedule to keep.

By the time I had returned to my car....
the world was in utter chaos....

I rushed home and turned on the news..
and I sat in front of that TV for hours and hours...
barely able to believe the images in front of me....

I called my husband, I just needed to hear his voice...
I waited anxiously for my kids to walk through that door...
I even contemplated going and picking them up...

I wanted them with me....
their arms around me...
their breath on my neck....
I wanted to block out the world...
the chaos...
I wanted to shelter them and shield them and keep them with me every moment of everyday...
Never let them go...
ever.

Even as I write this, there is a lump in my stomach...
tears rolling down my cheeks...
and hair standing on end.

The days following the attacks were unbelievable...
People began to care for people..
strangers giving blood....
heroes digging through rubble...

Families came together.
America came together.

Out of our Devastation came compassion...
Out of our Loss came the realization of all that we have....
Possessions didn't matter...
Skin color didn't matter....
How much money you had...
what car you drove...where you lived no longer mattered...
What mattered most were people and relationships and Love and Compassion...
and Giving and Sharing and Listening and Caring.....

That was 12 yrs ago....
Where are we today?
What matters now?

I will be the first to say that...although 09/11/2001 is a day that I will never forget...
I have forgotten....
I have forgotten what really matters...

I have been caught up in, clothes and houses and cars...
I have had more "pity parties" for myself...
I have been angered over things that make no difference...
I've held grudges and I've been intolerant....

I am not proud to say that I have returned to these things..
I am ashamed to admit it
But it's truth...and truth will set you free.

Today, I am reminded that we are not promised tomorrow...
we are not promised our next breath...
everything we have...everything we take for granted..
Even this day...
Is a gift.

12 yrs ago...
over 2700 people were going about their normal day...
not knowing it would be their last....
I wonder what they would have done if they knew?

I want to live like that...
Like this may be the last time...
to show love, compassion, concern...
to show the love of Christ.

I pray that the Lord reminds me daily of 09/11/2001...
to remind me to be grateful..
to see this day as a gift...
and to open it with excitement..
and live it to its fullest.


LIVE TODAY...really live,
Shelly

A SEASON


YAY!!!! It feels like Fall....and I LOVE it!!!

Something happens in me at the change of Seasons...particularly Autumn.

I love the "Back to School" Season....new clothes, backpacks, shoes and crayons.

I am always reminded of the Staples commercial...... The Mom is practically running through the store... tossing everything that she can find into her cart with a 32 tooth grin and the flourish of a figure skater........

Her children are creeping along behind her with their faces and feet dragging...
All the while we hear "It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year" blaring from the TV.

I was always ready for Summer to begin in June...
and even more ready for school to begin in September....

My three nieces begin school this week......
4th..6th..and 8th grade...
I just got off the phone with my sister and .....
well.....
the Mom in that commercial has nothing on her.

I think Wednesday can't come soon enough for Jami (my sister).

While we were trying to decide on birthday gifts....
Bailey and Kenzie turn 11 and 9 this week, as well
( i know, she should have planned better)
She was answering questions...arranging "hangout with friends time"....
figuring out locker decorations... first day of school outfits, etc

I hung up thinking......
So maybe she doesn't love the change of seasons...

And I remember......
I remember the chaos and the busyness...
I remember feeling overwhelmed...
I remember admiring the Mom's whose children were old enough to do it on their own.

I remember thinking what a glorious time that would be...
when life was calm...
when I could find "Me time"

After all, at the height of my craziness, I had an 17yr old, a 9yr old and a 5yr old.
I could not wait for that season to pass...

and pass it did....
far too quickly....
in a blink of an eye....

And I am sitting here...
in an empty house...
my husband is at work...

That 17yr old is now married and an amazing mom..
with a beautiful life.. totally blessed by God

We just drove that, once 9yr old, 1300 miles to begin her junior year of college...
she is called and anointed and living in the perfect Will of God.

That little 5yr old boy has gone to have a dinner date with his "Gma"
and he will be 16 in November....
and he lives with conviction and has a Heart of Worship....

And I am here alone....
And I am blessed beyond measure...
Much more than I deserve...

Yet....there are times like these,
when I hang up the phone and I remember the chaos..
the craziness...
the season that feels Eternal.....

And I yearn for that...
Yes, I even daresay that I miss it....
It's a real longing....


For everything there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die.
    A time to plant and a time to harvest.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal.
    A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.
    A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
    A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.
    A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend.
    A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate.
    A time for war and a time for peace....Ecc3-1-8

I know that the time that I long for was... but a  Season..
I also know that God has ordered my steps and he has fashioned my Seasons....

And I am believing that He will fill my days with purpose ...
and I know that He will fill this vessel....

And I know that each Season holds it's own beauty....

So, let me speak to Jami....
To all those who think that they are in an Eternal Season of Chaos and Carpools...

Embrace it because it is just that....
A Season..
and soon the leaves will fall...

And a whole new Season begins.



Blessed,
Shelly

Taking it All for Granted


I Know.... it feels like a lifetime since I've sat down to write.

There have been a million things going on in my head and so many words that The Lord has laid upon my heart...
it just feels like time is going so quickly....
I never have enough minutes in my day......

That's where I am today....

BUSY.

I begin to think that my life is just getting more and more crazy...
I have less time to relax.. to enjoy each moment...

My husband works crazy hours.... I rarely see him.
My oldest daughter is busy raising her family,
My middle daughter works Mon-Fri and she is currently getting ready to head back to school in 2 weeks..
My son is at the Church all day practicing as part of the Praise and Worship Team...

And Me......
Im doing the usual, cleaning, laundry, getting food ready for a cookout...
running to the store... making sure the pool is ready, the list goes on and on...

There are times I am resentful...
I feel like I do it all...
It's all on me...
and I'm busy and tired and tired of being busy....

A few minutes ago, I was in my living room and I looked up at my chalkboard...
It takes up an entire wall in my room and I write quotes or verses on it...
I use it to encourage those in my home... both those who live here and those who visit...

Today... The words I put up there....They hit me square in the face

     That which YOU take for GRANTED.... Someone else is PRAYING for.

This busy-ness that I complain about.... someone else is praying for..
I know that sounds crazy, but think about it.
I am busy because I am caring for my family.

And although there are days (sometimes weeks at a time) when they drive me nuts...
I wouldn't change it.

There are people out there who have NO ONE...
They are praying for a family to care for.

It got me thinking about all that I take for granted...
There's the obvious... shelter....water....food
the luxuries....a pool..a fire pit..a vehicle.

But what about the "not so obvious"

What about my husband?....Yep, I take him for granted
He is an amazing provider.. He loves me without question and he is a Man of God who serves as an amazing example to our kids.
That man that I take for granted, that man who could drive me insane on any given day...
Someone else is praying for.....
I know of women, personally who are praying for A Man of God to come beside them and love them.

What about my kids?....Yep, I take them for granted too
My children are compassionate and loving and they all have a heart that Seeks after the Lord...
They Love me and respect me and they treat me with Honor..
There are days when I wonder how they would do it without me...
and in all honestly... there have been times when I was tempted to "go on strike" and watch them flounder.....

Those kids that I take for granted....
Someone else is praying for...
Again... I know people who have children who are far from the Lord...
children making destructive choices...
They pray that their children will come to know Christ.

I could go on for pages..... So much that I take for granted...
Family, friends. my church, etc....
I am so glad that God brought those words to my mind today...
A reminder that there are people out there praying...
praying with urgency for those things that I take for granted...

My prayer today for myself and for you... is this...

Lord , open my eyes to the many blessings which you have given me, help me to never take for granted even the smallest of these, for each is a gift from you. Thank You Lord for each of them.... and when I am overwhelmed or under-appreciated or just ambivalent... help me to remember that someone is praying for that which I take for granted.

Well, Blog complete.....
Now I'm off to finish the never-ending "To-Do" list....

And I have never been more grateful to be able to do so.....

With Joy,
Shelly

NOBODY SPECIAL


Flash back to Father's Day 2010.........
My Dad went golfing, had a big family cookout and enjoyed being around his kids...
A Perfect day

The Day after Father's Day 2010.....
My dad woke up, got ready for work, called to my mom that he wasn't feeling well....
By 10:30 am He was gone.

POOF!!!
A VAPOR!!
GONE.

This post is NOT about the frailty of Life.....
It is about... How we live that life.

My Dad was an amazing man....
and He never knew it.

He worked for years in the Home Improvement Business....
He could fix ANYTHING.

I cannot even begin to count the number of times that I would call him .....
asking why something wasn't working, how to fix this or that and ALWAYS....ALWAYS He came.

My husband used to tease me because every single time my Dad was at our home........
I would say.... " I have an idea"
It could be anything from..."I'd like to put a room on"
To.... "I'd like built- in loft beds in the girls' room".
( of course he made them and they were spectacular)

He was talented and smart and kind and patient.....
and he always referred to himself as
NOBODY SPECIAL.

He went to work EVERY DAY in ALL types of WEATHER..
Not taking a single sick day in 31yrs.

He met all kinds of people,
worked with all kinds of people,
touched the lives of all kinds of people....

And still thought that he was NOBODY SPECIAL.

As we stood at his memorial service.....
We heard the stories.....
There were people that we had never met...
People with stories of his kindness....
People in awe of his exceptional talent for building...
Customers that he did work for......
He may have been at their home for a day or two...
maybe a week.....
They came because He made an impact on their lives....
In the short time he had spent with them.....
he made a difference......

So much so, that they came to pay respect to this man....
My Dad, the self-proclaimed NOBODY SPECIAL.

Not long after his death.....
My mom was in need of a new roof on her home....
My sister contacted my Dad's employer to inquire about the specifics....
How Much?
When?

The logistics were worked out....


The day came for the new roof.....

On that day.......18 men came to my mom's house......
18 men....including my dad's boss
It was a Friday...misty rain.....
and they came.

In that day.... they tore off my mom's roof. replaced the damaged lumber on her porch roof and laid a new roof.

WOW, you say that's alot to get done for a day's work....
It sure is.....
But here is the best part......
My dad's boss..told these guys that they would be doing "DICKIE"S" roof and that he was paying them to do it......
These 18 guys....
They volunteered to do it for NO PAY......
As an honor to a Man that had touched them so deeply.

Some of these guys that gave.... they were from other home building companies...
they were willing to give up a day's pay, as well.....

ALL of this for NOBODY SPECIAL

I sobbed that day  because I realized that my Dad was such a hard-working, humble man.....
He never thought highly of himself...never prideful or boastful....
He just went through life doing what he thought was right...
Never seeking credit...or self-promotion.

There lies a huge lesson in there for each of us.....

How many times do we do something for someone and we want recognition or credit or appreciation?
And we want it immediately.......We want everyone to know of our good deeds...
Everyone should know how wonderful we really are.

I am reminded of the song "THANK YOU" by Ray Boltz....
It speaks of a man arriving in heaven and all of these people are there to greet him....
to Thank Him for giving of himself....
People that he had touched in even a small way.....


TODAY, I honor that NOBODY SPECIAL, that I called my Dad....
and I will try to live my life like he did.....
Never striving for Fame or Fortune....
Credit and appreciation.....

Instead I strive to be NOBODY SPECIAL....
What a legacy.....

I LOVE YOU DAD!!!!

Humbly,
Shelly

THE RACE

This past Sunday, I had the distinct privilege of watching my daughter, Tara run her very first Half-Marathon.

She had set this goal for herself and to be completely honest, when she said that she was going to do this, I thought...... Why?

Why would you want to train like that?
Run every single day...mile by mile....training your body to go farther than you ever thought that it could.......Pushing yourself to push your limits.....trusting that you could go the distance.

Yep....I just figured she was nuts!!

SO....Tara pushed through... she began training in February and each day, she pursued her goal.

There were days that were tough and days that were easier, days when she had to push herself to even run at all ....and days when she could hardly wait to "hit the pavement".

Race day came......

Like a good Mom.... I went to cheer her on.

Her husband, Jerod and son Joshua were there when the gun went off....
They had cheered her on at mile 3......mile 6

I was at mile 9 with her Dad, her brother, her sister and Grandma.....
We had signs......
we cheered, yelled, encouraged.

Pushing her to her goal...
Believing she could do it.....WOULD do it.

When I saw her running at mile 9.....
I got that huge lump in my throat....
My nose turned red
(my kids know what that means)
and the tears came.

Tears of pride....
SO proud of her discipline...her dedication....
She kept going...She kept her "eye on the prize"

Her goal was to finish those 13.1 miles in under 2:30

She did it!!!!!
2:13:27
That was her official time!!

Tara crossed that finish line....
( I cried)

and when she made it....when she realized her goal....
she exchanged all of those months of sweat. pain, determination and discipline...
she traded all that in....
and they placed that medal around her neck.

She had run a good race and she had received her reward!

I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith!.. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing......2Timothy 4:7-8 I was reminded of this scripture as I watched Tara run her race. All that I could think is ........ If I am this proud of MY child for accomplishing her goal..... For pushing through..... For the pain and sweat and discipline and determination.... How proud The Lord must be of His Child..... the one who chooses to run the race well... who faces the adversity, the pain... but pushes through anyway. Then I think of us, cheering Tara on.... Encouraging, believing that she can do it... and I think...... My Heavenly Father is cheering for me... encouraging me.... having faith that I will finish well. And finally...... When I cross that final "Finish Line".... To know that The Lord will greet me there..... And like Tara, exchanged it all for a medal.... I will exchange all the craziness and pain..... and adversity, and disappointment.... For a CROWN..... A Crown of righteousness. Run the Race... Keep the Faith.... The reward is great!! Keep moving toward the Prize, Shelly

GOD's GRACE

This Post has been a long time coming..........
there are 2 reasons...

1)  I was waiting for the photos
     and more importantly....
2) I was waiting for the courage.....

Tears are falling down my cheeks and onto my keyboard......
and once again, I am in awe of The Power and Grace of My God......

I have this new found addiction...
I am addicted to "A Baby Story"

Everyday from 1-2pm, you will find me in my kitchen...
Prepping for Dinner with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I watch these stories of babies being born and I am just in awe of this miracle of Life,
and I think of how many healthy, beautiful babies are born each day,
and I think of how easily we take that for granted.

And then I think of Bailey.
and the tears don't roll down my cheeks they Flow out of me like a river,
Still....
11 years later.

It was in April of 2002,
My sister, Jami and her husband, Scott live in Illinois with their 2 yr old daughter Rylee
My sister Jami was pregnant for her 2nd child.

We were so excited because she was coming to NY for a visit.
Prior to her trip, Jami and Scott were told that there was a problem with the Baby.
Tests were done, the waiting began and Jami made the trip to NY.

I will never forget that Sunday in church,
Jami went up to the altar and we prayed,
I mean we cried out,
The congregation began laying hands on Jami and that precious baby that she was carrying,

We didn't know what we were dealing with,
but we prayed together and we believed together.

Well, soon after, the answers came...
I'd love to tell you that the baby was healed instantly and they found no cause for alarm...
That's not how the story goes.....

Instead, news came that this baby suffered from a Diaphragmatic Hernia,
Basically, she had no diaphragm,
 the part of our body that separates our organs in our chest from those in our abdomen.

Prognosis....
Not Good.

Jami carried that baby girl to full term...
not knowing what would happen when she made her appearance...

I can't imagine the strength that it took...
how she did that, for months,
the uncertainty...
There's only one way that she was able..
GOD's GRACE.

On August 21...Miss Bailey Rae Brower made her debut..

By GOD's GRACE,
Bailey was born at the hospital which just happened to have the The World's Leading Surgeon for CDH babies.

Bailey was whisked away and evaluated..
She had little to no diaphragm,
her abdominal organs were in her chest cavity,
her heart was displaced and she had one lung.

Prognosis for survival 10%

Bailey was placed in the NICU,
she was on a heart lung machine
and she was SICK...

For 5 months,she lay in that NICU,
For 5 months, my sister lived at The Ronald McDonald House..
For 5 months, she sat in that NICU,
praying. believing, willing her child to live..
telling her, begging with her to fight.

Jami and Scott would return to The RMH exhausted,
sleep was elusive.

How do you sleep when your child is fighting to live?

Then the phone call came...
They believed that Bailey had developed a yeast infection that was growing into the Gortex Diaphragm they had used to repair her hernia.

They were told, " Go take some time and make plans for her final arrangements"

WHAT????
How do you hear those words, and keep breathing?

Then the words came.....
Jami heard these words....
"BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"

That right there, those 8 words are a perfect example of GOD's GRACE.

There were many more ups and downs....
Many unknowns, many uncertainties....

But one thing never changed...
One thing was certain...
GOD's GRACE was present at every moment and through every situation.

This story isn't over......
Not even close....

On August 21, 2013....
Miss Bailey Rae Brower will be celebrating her 11th Birthday.

She is as perfect as they come, she is active and brilliant and beautiful and has the brightest personality
I've ever seen!
She "lights up" a room.

I remember going to see Bailey shortly after she was born..
When I walked into the NICU, I felt like someone had sucked every bit of life out of me.
I wanted to leave, I wanted to run out of that room.

 All that I could think was "How do Jami and Scott do this all day, every day"
How do they walk in there and sing to her and talk to her,
Where do they find the breath?
The strength?
What do you cling to?
How do you sleep?
How do you get up in the morning?

I couldn't fathom any of it.

Once in a conversation with my sister, long after Bailey was well, I asked her..
How did you do it?
How did you hold it together?
Her response was" I don't know, I don't even remember alot of it"

That, that unknowing, that inability to remember, it's GOD's GRACE,
when life is more than we can comprehend,
When the burden is so heavy that it is inconceivable to carry,

GOD's GRACE takes over..
HE brings us through...

Our job is only to be still and know.......

My heart is full and my tears are many,
Shelly

For you Jami and Scott, you are true heroes

Miss Bailey Rae, God's plan for you is unbelievable!
<3

SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!


OK, OK, I know, it's been quite awhile since I've written a post.....
Truth be told, I have been in a weird kind of place...
If you have read my previous blogs, you know what I mean.

Beside that... My girl was home from college for 10 glorious days.....
This would be the last chance I would see her before she heads off to Zambia,
So I wasn't willing to waste a single moment.....

SO, she's back to school :(

and I am back to blogging

And appropriately....Today is Good Friday

I used to struggle with the "Good" in Good Friday
What was so Good about it?

I have grown to love "Good" Friday....
I hate that Jesus was beaten beyond recognition...
it breaks my heart that He was nailed to a tree...
I can hardly fathom the idea that He did it for me...

I absolutely hate the thought of him carrying that cross..
I am one of those people who watch "The Passion of The Christ" movie through barely separated fingers.....
Because my hands are over my face.....
watching is almost more than I can bear....

And just when I think that I can't bear another minute....
Just when i feel that my heart is shattering into a million pieces...
It hits me...

SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!

WOW!! Goosebumps cover me as I type those two words.....

SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!!

That is why I have learned to love Good Friday...
without Good Friday....
There would be no Miraculous Sunday!!!!

You can't have a victory if you don't first have a trial!!

Life is the same way...
Sometimes when we are in the midst of a trial...
a difficulty...
a hopeless situation....
We don't see the "GOOD" in it....

We feel defeated...
we believe it's over...
"It is Finished".

But, you know what?

SUNDAY'S COMING!!!

Jesus' victory assures your victory!!!

If today is not what you expected it to be...
If you struggle to find the "GOOD" in it...

Praise God...

Your SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!


Have a Blessed Easter!!
Shelly