GOD's GRACE

This Post has been a long time coming..........
there are 2 reasons...

1)  I was waiting for the photos
     and more importantly....
2) I was waiting for the courage.....

Tears are falling down my cheeks and onto my keyboard......
and once again, I am in awe of The Power and Grace of My God......

I have this new found addiction...
I am addicted to "A Baby Story"

Everyday from 1-2pm, you will find me in my kitchen...
Prepping for Dinner with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I watch these stories of babies being born and I am just in awe of this miracle of Life,
and I think of how many healthy, beautiful babies are born each day,
and I think of how easily we take that for granted.

And then I think of Bailey.
and the tears don't roll down my cheeks they Flow out of me like a river,
Still....
11 years later.

It was in April of 2002,
My sister, Jami and her husband, Scott live in Illinois with their 2 yr old daughter Rylee
My sister Jami was pregnant for her 2nd child.

We were so excited because she was coming to NY for a visit.
Prior to her trip, Jami and Scott were told that there was a problem with the Baby.
Tests were done, the waiting began and Jami made the trip to NY.

I will never forget that Sunday in church,
Jami went up to the altar and we prayed,
I mean we cried out,
The congregation began laying hands on Jami and that precious baby that she was carrying,

We didn't know what we were dealing with,
but we prayed together and we believed together.

Well, soon after, the answers came...
I'd love to tell you that the baby was healed instantly and they found no cause for alarm...
That's not how the story goes.....

Instead, news came that this baby suffered from a Diaphragmatic Hernia,
Basically, she had no diaphragm,
 the part of our body that separates our organs in our chest from those in our abdomen.

Prognosis....
Not Good.

Jami carried that baby girl to full term...
not knowing what would happen when she made her appearance...

I can't imagine the strength that it took...
how she did that, for months,
the uncertainty...
There's only one way that she was able..
GOD's GRACE.

On August 21...Miss Bailey Rae Brower made her debut..

By GOD's GRACE,
Bailey was born at the hospital which just happened to have the The World's Leading Surgeon for CDH babies.

Bailey was whisked away and evaluated..
She had little to no diaphragm,
her abdominal organs were in her chest cavity,
her heart was displaced and she had one lung.

Prognosis for survival 10%

Bailey was placed in the NICU,
she was on a heart lung machine
and she was SICK...

For 5 months,she lay in that NICU,
For 5 months, my sister lived at The Ronald McDonald House..
For 5 months, she sat in that NICU,
praying. believing, willing her child to live..
telling her, begging with her to fight.

Jami and Scott would return to The RMH exhausted,
sleep was elusive.

How do you sleep when your child is fighting to live?

Then the phone call came...
They believed that Bailey had developed a yeast infection that was growing into the Gortex Diaphragm they had used to repair her hernia.

They were told, " Go take some time and make plans for her final arrangements"

WHAT????
How do you hear those words, and keep breathing?

Then the words came.....
Jami heard these words....
"BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"

That right there, those 8 words are a perfect example of GOD's GRACE.

There were many more ups and downs....
Many unknowns, many uncertainties....

But one thing never changed...
One thing was certain...
GOD's GRACE was present at every moment and through every situation.

This story isn't over......
Not even close....

On August 21, 2013....
Miss Bailey Rae Brower will be celebrating her 11th Birthday.

She is as perfect as they come, she is active and brilliant and beautiful and has the brightest personality
I've ever seen!
She "lights up" a room.

I remember going to see Bailey shortly after she was born..
When I walked into the NICU, I felt like someone had sucked every bit of life out of me.
I wanted to leave, I wanted to run out of that room.

 All that I could think was "How do Jami and Scott do this all day, every day"
How do they walk in there and sing to her and talk to her,
Where do they find the breath?
The strength?
What do you cling to?
How do you sleep?
How do you get up in the morning?

I couldn't fathom any of it.

Once in a conversation with my sister, long after Bailey was well, I asked her..
How did you do it?
How did you hold it together?
Her response was" I don't know, I don't even remember alot of it"

That, that unknowing, that inability to remember, it's GOD's GRACE,
when life is more than we can comprehend,
When the burden is so heavy that it is inconceivable to carry,

GOD's GRACE takes over..
HE brings us through...

Our job is only to be still and know.......

My heart is full and my tears are many,
Shelly

For you Jami and Scott, you are true heroes

Miss Bailey Rae, God's plan for you is unbelievable!
<3

SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!


OK, OK, I know, it's been quite awhile since I've written a post.....
Truth be told, I have been in a weird kind of place...
If you have read my previous blogs, you know what I mean.

Beside that... My girl was home from college for 10 glorious days.....
This would be the last chance I would see her before she heads off to Zambia,
So I wasn't willing to waste a single moment.....

SO, she's back to school :(

and I am back to blogging

And appropriately....Today is Good Friday

I used to struggle with the "Good" in Good Friday
What was so Good about it?

I have grown to love "Good" Friday....
I hate that Jesus was beaten beyond recognition...
it breaks my heart that He was nailed to a tree...
I can hardly fathom the idea that He did it for me...

I absolutely hate the thought of him carrying that cross..
I am one of those people who watch "The Passion of The Christ" movie through barely separated fingers.....
Because my hands are over my face.....
watching is almost more than I can bear....

And just when I think that I can't bear another minute....
Just when i feel that my heart is shattering into a million pieces...
It hits me...

SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!

WOW!! Goosebumps cover me as I type those two words.....

SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!!!

That is why I have learned to love Good Friday...
without Good Friday....
There would be no Miraculous Sunday!!!!

You can't have a victory if you don't first have a trial!!

Life is the same way...
Sometimes when we are in the midst of a trial...
a difficulty...
a hopeless situation....
We don't see the "GOOD" in it....

We feel defeated...
we believe it's over...
"It is Finished".

But, you know what?

SUNDAY'S COMING!!!

Jesus' victory assures your victory!!!

If today is not what you expected it to be...
If you struggle to find the "GOOD" in it...

Praise God...

Your SUNDAY'S COMING!!!!


Have a Blessed Easter!!
Shelly

TRUTH


This could possibly be the most difficult post I've written. It's real and it's transparent and I feel totally vulnerable, and not really sure that I should post it.
But, the Lord has laid it on my heart with such conviction that I have to post, not just as a catharsis for me, but to help someone else.

I have had a rough few days....
Nothing significant has happened, there have been no crises....
My children are great, husband is good...
Life is Great......

I am not.

I am sad, the gut wrenching, lump in your throat, up in the middle of the night sad.

I have no reason why.

It started on Saturday..
I woke up early, took a shower, did my hair...
and brokedown.

I looked in the mirror and despite the fact that I have recently dropped 19lbs,
regardless of the fact that I had a new "Sassy haircut"
I hated what I saw...

To the point of tears....
The day continued like that.....
I was home with Michael and Isaiah and I had no desire to do anything..
I really just wanted to be alone...
I felt gross, unworthy....
I had absolutely no joy, NONE!!!

I think I went to bed around 8pm....
I just didn't feel like facing life.
I had half-hearted conversations..
pretending that I was interested in life..
Truth is..... I wasn't.

I really, truly just felt nothing but self-loathing..
I thought I looked "old",
that progressed to my feeling that I've accomplished nothing,
which then progressed to a feeling of failure,
It snowballed into self-loathing.

Sunday came. and I felt that feeling all over again,
Before I even left my bed, I prayed..
Asking, begging God to remove this depression that was overtaking me.
I felt it, I knew what it was,
I was depressed, it wasn't over a situation or a worry,
it just felt like life was "too much".

I felt like I was treading water,
I was tired.

I didn't want to go to church, I didn't want to go anywhere.
But, I went.
I went because I know that regardless of how I feel, God shows up.

Worship was amazing, we sang about "Chains Falling Down"
We sang "My Soul Will Sing, My Soul Will Sing"
We sang the words "and if our God is with us, then what can stand against"

I felt like God was orchestrating this service for me, just for me

Pastor got up to speak and do you know what word the Lord had laid on his heart for that day
BREAKDOWN

Now I was sure that the Lord was meeting me right where I stood,
in the muck and mire of life...in my personal pit.

I felt as if God himself was standing on that stage and He was preaching to an audience of One.
Every word pierced my heart, it was as if he was reading my mind...
The sermon spoke honestly and very directly about Depression.

I would love to say that I walked out of service with a new heart, a spring in my step and an everlasting Joy....
But I can't say that....
I left feeling better...but not BETTER.

I went about my Sunday, still a little "off".
and I went back to church to meet with God on Sunday Night.

Obviously the Lord knew that I was still struggling....
the music was "spot on", once again
We were singing "It is well, with my soul"
and I so wanted it to be..

Then Tara brought the word...
She had no idea how I was feeling...
She spoke on the Beatitudes...
Specifically being "poor in spirit"..
How those are the ones that The Lord will bless,
those are the ones that the Lord will use.

That was me.
Poor in Spirit.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me....2Cor 12:9

This was a verse from her text and I wrote it down, and I am standing on it!!

I am weak... weak in spirit....

It's uncomfortable..

it's out of character for me.

and I do not like it!!

However, if I must be weak, to receive His grace...

then I will endure...

If I must be down and depressed and feel unworthy...

in order for Him to wield His power in my life...

then I will press on...

I want to boast about my weakness..

because I need His power to rest on me.

I am still struggling...

it's not easy, especially when I don't know why I feel like this.

But, I am standing on His word,

believing that "His mercies are new every morning".

I know this is not an encouraging note,

but I know that the Lord put it on my heart to post.

Someone needs to hear this, and to know ,

Weakness is also a part of God's plan.

Humbly,

Shelly

Really? STOP & YES!!



Well I haven't posted in a couple of weeks...
I just didn't hear from the Lord...

I waited, I tried to force the issue...
I started a blog, erased, started again
Walked away.....

Waiting...
Definitely not my strong point.

Well, I heard from God last night...
Loud and Clear.....
A single word.....

STOP!!!!!

That was all.....

STOP!!!!!

Well, I'll tell you, it's not easy to write a blog based on a single word...
especially a word that basically tells you to do nothing.

Not really knowing what this meant, I went to the Lord in prayer...

I questioned him ( go ahead, question God, He already knows what you're thinking)
I was a little indifferent ( He knows that too)

So, instead of waiting for an answer to my question,
I kept asking other questions  (  I was on a roll)...

OK Stop what, exactly?
Should I stop being a Mom?
Should I stop being a wife?
....a daughter?
....a baker?
....a grandma?

How about if I stop my routine...
things like cleaning..
....cooking... laundry?

Should I stop caring for others?
....giving to missions?
.....Encouraging my children?

Here's one I was a little more than willing to do..
Should I stop paying bills?
Then I became real bold and said "Are you going to pay them ?"

Yea I worked myself right into a tizzy...
I was becoming angry...

So, I had asked all the questions...
I wanted an answer, more than just a one word response...

guess what I heard...

YES!!!!! ( btw if you haven't noticed, again, He gave me one word, I wanted more, he gave me what I needed, not what I wanted)

What? I thought I was going to scream... all of these things that He told me to Stop,
they defined who I am, how people know me..
You know what I mean, my reputation.

then this story "popped" into my mind

s Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

WOW!!!!

I guess that one word from The Lord was enough.

In this story, 2 sisters open their home to Jesus.

Mary didn't care a bit about what needed to be done, she didn't care to be the best hostess, she didn't pay one bit of attention to the fact that her reputation as a servant was being jeopardized.....

She cared about one thing and only one thing....spending time with Jesus.

Nothing else mattered... I think that she was so awestruck in His presence that she didn't even consider that there was anyone else there...let alone things to be done.

Martha was ticked...she was the one doing all the work and she was not about to let it go unnoticed by their guest.......She was a tattle tale and she told Jesus what to do with Mary.

( I always chuckle at this part of scripture... Martha thought "I'll tell him how to handle this". Apparently she forgot to whom she was speaking.....ummm remember, this is JESUS )

I am sure the response of the Lord astonished Martha, definitely not the answer she was looking for.

He told her that all the preparations she worried over ,were not necessary.

She only needed one thing... to be in His presence.

Well, needless to say, I now know what STOP means

and I know why he answered all of my indifferent questions with one word YES!!!!

He was teaching me, admonishing me, like Martha.

STOP being so busy, STOP trying to do it all, STOP trying to please everyone, STOP trying to build a righteous reputation.

Spend time in communion with me....watch your worries and concerns fade

Experience my presence... lean on me

All else will fall into place.

As you can see... I asked for a word and I got just that 

A WORD.

I needed it and I believe there are others who need it, as well.

Seek God FIRST......

Let HIM handle the details.

STOP and YES!!!

Two powerful words from the Lord!

Stop today,

Shelly

You Look Marvelous!

Today is the day of Love...
Flowers and Candy...
Heart shaped trinkets...
Poems and Sonnets ....

We proclaim our love to our spouse..
Express our love to our children...
Let friends and family know that we care...

BUT..........

What about us...
I mean Me...
I mean that person that we see in that mirror...

Do you Love you??

How do you see yourself?

Now, I am not talking about loving yourself in the way that some people do...
Like, the ones who post 76589000 pics of themselves gazing in the mirror...

I am not talking about a conceited, I am better than you type of Love...
I mean a real "I am created in the image of Christ" Love.

Truth is, many of us do not like what we see in that mirror,
what we see usually causes self-loathing...

We see the extra pounds, the dimples in the thighs, the receding hairline,
Sometimes what we see goes deeper....past mistakes, regrets, pain.

Each of these things (and there are SO many more, I only named a few)
Eats away at our love for ourselves
Before we know it..
We begin to avert our eyes, never really looking at that person.

  We never really see who we are..
Worse yet, we can't see ourselves the way that Christ sees us.

We are each made in His image,
We are the works of His hands..


Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day...Psalm 139:13-16

This is from The Message Bible and I love  this translation

Do you see where it says ....Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
Then it goes on to say  I worship in adoration-what a creation!

Don't you find that refreshing and liberating?
I adore the fact that these two sentences end with an exclamation mark....
Real excitement!!!!!!!!!

Let me be honest, I am as guilty as the next person when it comes to self loathing...
I do the whole," when I lose a few pounds", "when the wrinkles disappear",
"When my hair finally grows", etc. etc.
The list can go on forever...

But Not Anymore!!!

I declare that this day
Valentine's Day 2013 is for me,
A day to celebrate loving myself...
To celebrate the marvelous way that I was created...
by the Master's hand..
In His image...

I will look at myself in that mirror.
I am talking about really looking, gazing
and I will say ......
I am marvelously made
and I will say it with an exclamation mark!!!!

Love yourself today,
You are beautiful and special and unique,
there is only one you!

Celebrate that today and everyday!!!!!

I am off to find a mirror.....
Let the Love Fest begin!


Be Marvelous,
Shelly

A Homegoing

Today is the day....

It's here....

My friend's Homegoing....

That's right,

I refuse to say "goodbye"

Goodbye is Final, and I know we will meet again......

I am celebrating today and I hope...

I pray... that all of you that have been touched by Theresa's kindness,

I pray that you celebrate, as well.

My heart is heavy,

it's because I am selfish...

I want to see her face...

I want to have conversations...

I want her grandchildren to feel her hugs....

her children, to hear her wisdom,

Her husband to rest in her embrace...

But that is not possible...

Theresa is Home..

What we can do, is celebrate her life....

celebrate who she is..

who she was, when she walked this earth..

She was special..

she loved people...

she loved all....

She loved the way that the Lord teaches us to love....

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails.....I Cor 13:4-8

We celebrate Theresa today,

but let's not finish with today...

Let's celebrate her life, her love, 

Everyday...

Let's show kindness and compassion to one another...

Let's Love one another , the way that she loved....

The same way that the Lord loves.

Theresa's life had meaning, purpose...

and far beyond the costumes, the advice, the baby-sitting..

her purpose was to inspire each one of us...

She was here to teach us...

She knew the real meaning of love...

Celebrate today, by showing love...

The type of Love that is spoken of in Scripture....

Patient, kind, sacrificial, true, forgiving love.

Thank you Theresa...

You touched us all,

you taught us all,

you still inspire us all.

No Goodbyes....

Until We Meet Again.

A Fleeting Moment

It is with such a heavy heart that I write this post.

The Lord began stirring this thought in me, just a short time ago.

Life is Fleeting..... I mean it is really fragile and fleeting...
Here today...
Gone tomorrow.

It was 2 weeks ago, that I heard of a Local Volunteer Fireman losing his life in the line of duty.
That same week, my close friend's daughter, walked away from an accident, that could have very easily taken her home.
Again, that week, the husband of a family friend, intentionally jack-knifed his rig to spare the lives of others. He is struggling to survive in the hospital....

Every single one of these incidents happened in the "blink of an eye"
Every one of these people had their lives changed in a Fleeting Moment.

All of that made me think......
what happens when your world crashes down at a moment's notice?

I know that feeling.

It will be 3 yrs this June.
3yrs since we lost our Dad.

I'll never forget...
He woke up
Got ready for work
Called to my mom because he didn't feel well
 and by 10:30 am.....
He was Gone.

My life changed in a fleeting moment....
it was truly a moment....

A harsh reminder of the fraility of life...

A reminder that we never know...
our days are numbered and we have no idea what number we are on.

Yesterday.....
I was hit with that harsh reality once again....
A close family friend, an amazing, loving, non-judgemental, forgiving woman went home......
,,,In a Fleeting moment

She went in to take a bath....
and never came out...
She went home
....In a Fleeting moment

I know that the Lord provides comfort
and Strength....
He is everything we need.....
But the pain is real and it is raw....

and it is a harsh reminder....
How fragile life is...
how it can change in a Fleeting moment.

I know that God always has a plan..
and I place my trust in Him...
and I gain my strength from Him..
and my comfort....

But if I were to be honest....
sometimes I don't understand
sometimes I am angry
sometimes I am hurting

But His ways are better than My ways
so I keep trusting and believing .....
even when I am overwhelmed....

From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.....Psalm 61:2

I WILL stand on the Rock...
I will make the most of my Fleeting moment here on this earth......

What will you do with the time you have been given?

We have no idea what number we are on....
I know it sounds cliche....

but live today for today....
give, forgive, show compassion, forget and most of all LOVE....

Life is but a Fleeting moment.........

With A Grieving Heart,
Shelly

Theresa Rundell.........Until We Meet Again